how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
