1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
All I want is dick and wine.
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