when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
