I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just cropdusted the office
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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