'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
