they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You're like the curious george of whores
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
