Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
