the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
