Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
