i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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