Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
