Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
