we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
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I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
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You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.