i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
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This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.