why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
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hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.