I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that