Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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