I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
