I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!