On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said