Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
