Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween