i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
