Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
