Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
