lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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