I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
