Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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