Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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