I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
