when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
