I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
