I got chris browned last night
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize