we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
