He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
