just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
