Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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