I'm gonna have a badass scar
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
