You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
