oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
