Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
