I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
