porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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