somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
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Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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