JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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