I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
