Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
