I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
