i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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