So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
