im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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