Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
