I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
