mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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