i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
