My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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