She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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