you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
