I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did you pee in the oven last night??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
