Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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