I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
