My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
