i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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