finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
