Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
