either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
