all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
