I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Need sex. Gaining weight.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize