Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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