there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
time to smoke my breakfast
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
