we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
