idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
