Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
