Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
