Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
