omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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