Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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