Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
