office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
