Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
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