we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize