every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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